Some commenters thought it strange that our last entry discussed two topics together: Sex Week and ViSION. This combination made some people think about rape and/or sexual assaults. One of our clinicians here at UHCS is sharing the next blog entry to raise awareness to a newer term to many Gray Rape.
A few years ago an article was published in Cosmopolitan magazine coining the term Gray Rape. The author, Laura Sessions Stepp, used this phrase to describe “sex that falls somewhere between consent and denial and is even more confusing because often both parties are unsure of who wanted what” (A New Kind of Date Rape, Cosmopolitan, p.2). More recently, a “gray rape” scenario was highlighted on an episode of CSI: Special Victims Unit entitled Grey. This term is very controversial amongst antiviolence advocates with the vast majority out rightly rejecting it.
In the Cosmo article (A New Kind of Date Rape), Ms. Sessions Step starts the article with the following scenario:
Alicia has been out of college for three years, and by most measures, she’s doing great; she has a good job as a consultant a high-rise condo, and a boyfriend her friends envy. But in one disquieting way, she has not been able to leave her college self behind. She is haunted by the memory of something that occurred one night years ago- a sexual encounter and an unanswered question- Was I raped?
This is what happened: Alicia had asked another student, Kevin, to be her “platonic date” at a college sorority formal. The two of them went out for dinner first with friends and then to the dance. She remembers that they got drunk but not what she would call sloppy wasted.
After the dance, they went back to Kevin’s room and, eventually, started making out. She told him flat out that she didn’t want it to proceed to sex, and he said okay. But in a few minutes, he had pushed her down on the couch and positioned himself on top of her.
“No. Stop,” she said softly—too softly, she later told herself. When he ignored her and entered her anyway, she tensed up and tried to go numb until it was over. He fell asleep afterward, and she left for her dorm, “having this dirty feeling of not knowing what to do or who to tell or whether it was my fault.” While it felt like rape to her—she had not wanted to have sex with Kevin – she was not sure if that’s what anyone else would call it.
Is this “gray rape?” Is this acquaintance rape? What happened?
According to Massachusetts law and Northeastern Code of Conduct, this event/occurrence fits the description of rape/sexual assault. There’s nothing gray about it. In this depiction, Alicia did not consent to engage in sex with Kevin. Regardless of whether or not force was used, regardless of what she was wearing, whether or not they had a pre-existing sexual relationship, whether they were friends, whether they were making out that night, whether they were drunk, or any other number of factors, consent was not obtained. Even further, Alicia said NO. Additionally, we have a statement that says that she was intoxicated and we know that under Massachusetts law consent cannot be given when one is intoxicated.
Ms. Sessions Step attributes some of the difficulty identifying rape situations as such to today’s “hook-up culture.” She asserts that because women are becoming increasingly comfortable pursuing sexual encounters with partners with whom they are not involved in committed relationships, signals are more likely to be misread and boundaries may be crossed. This is a troubling statement.
Many survivors engage in self blame following an assault. This contributes to low reporting rates and challenges one’s ability to seek help. Many survivors worry what others will think if they tell a friend or a loved one and fear that they will be held responsible for the perpetrator’s behavior. Survivors’ state: “Well it must be my fault because I went back to his apartment with him” or “I was making out with him so I must have given him the wrong idea.” Rape does not happen because of mixed signals or a misunderstanding. Ms. Session Step’s link between increased sexuality and sexual assault is highly damaging and frankly incorrect.
It is important to note that there is help available both on and off campus for students who have been affected by rape and sexual assault. University Health and Counseling Services offers medical evaluation and treatment, counseling, follow up, and arranges for transportation to an emergency room if desired. Please visit ViSION’s website for a list of additional resources: http://www.northeastern.edu/uhcs/vision/index.html including the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center which provides-individual and group counseling, legal and medical advocacy.
Post by: Christine Civiletto, Psychologist, Coordinator of Sexual Assault Services at UHCS
